Nakkadwale Disco! Udharwale Khisko – A Critical Analysis

Since the time I have moved to Mumbai, filmmakers have been conspiring to remind me that I am far away from home. If you don’t believe me, then just look at the names of some of the movies that have been released in the past 3 years – Delhi 6, Chandini Chowk to China, Chalo Dilli and now Delhi Belly. In an attempt to have my revenge on these heartless Shitlers (Shitler (n.) Its like Hitler, only worse), I will now attempt to critically analyze the latest Hit song from Delhi Belly.... Nakkadwale Disco... you know the rest.

At a glance, this seems like a typical fresh, forget the rulebook kind of youth oriented song with freakishly awesome lyrics, but on a closer look you shall discover a treasure of deep and meaningful rhymes hidden in this gem of a song. Other highlights of the song include the fact that Veer Das can play bass on a Sitar and for those who had forgotten that there is a musical instrument called Harmonium there is a reminder, evenly placed after every 8 seconds through out the song, to assure you that the myth called harmonium does exist.

The Lyrics for this classic goes like this:

Teri tirchhi nazar ne dil ko kar diya pen-char (times 2)

Since the movie is going to be based on Delhi (a direct inference from the name of the movie, only July 1, 2011 can prove me wrong), there had to puns on mispronunciation of English words by the general public of Delhi-Haryana-U.P. belt, hence the mention of words like pen-char, hen-tarr etc. Had time permitted, epic words like is-kooter, fillum, poblam etc. could have been included as well. Lets file this line of the song under fine examples of Borderline chetra-waad.

Oye penchar (times 5)
Teri tirchi nazar ne dil ko kar diya penchar

A repeated reference to the word “penchar” underlines the importance of the punctured heart... We can now safely establish that this song is about a pen-charred dil...

Nakkaddwaley Disco, udhaarwaley khisko (times 2)
sa ni re…. (Let’s leave this one line alone)
Nakkaddwaley Disco, udhaarwaley khisko (times 2)

If you look closely at the video of this song, you will find that the prayojak of this song is one “Karol Bagh Cultural Association”. Now the KBCA seems to be an association of current and former disgruntled canteen owners from the North Campus Colleges. Since throughout their entire lifetimes they have handed out more bailouts to students than the federal reserve can ever dream of, this line seems to be a kind of subliminal message placed carefully in the middle of the song for the youth, as otherwise these lines seem to have no connection whatsoever with the rest of the lyrics.

Tumko dekha toh kho gaya
Main fell in Love sa ho gaya

These lines have a direct reference to Einstein’s theory of relativity. Time moves slower for a faster moving object. Hence when struck with a fast moving, ever changing, object like love, the obvious reaction will be a feeling of you falling in a state of eternal stupor.

Socha tumne bhi Hint diya

Maybe she did give you a hint, maybe she didn’t, or maybe you are just a paranoid psychopath!

Lekin Sandal ka Print diya

This is my favourite line as here “Reality Kicks In”...And quite literally! All paranoid psychopaths and molesters roaming free on the roads of Delhi, like him, deserve similar treatment.

Dil tukde tukde ho gaya
Uss din main jaldi so gaya

The first line is a fine example of the Atishyokti Alankar. For those who need to go back to refer their hindi grammar books from the 5^th Standard, it means that when the lyricist compares the heart with something like your wine glass, which can be shattered to pieces in a state of drunken stupor, it is a hyperbolic exaggeration. Whenever you reach such a state of mind where you start comparing your job to be as glamorous as a cold sore, or saying that someone has a thousand yard smile or calling something as exclusive as KRK’s fan club, the best resort is to go to sleep early that day, as the second line of the verse suggests. A go-to-Sleep time of 7:30 PM seems quite appropriate.

Hoye maara tune Left Right and Center

The song gets educational here, teaching us directions, apparently forgetting about up and down. So Children, always remember to look not only to the left and right but also concentrate on the centre!

Hoye sandal (times 5)

Instant identification with the Sandal (Return of the Nemesis!)

Nakkaddwaley Disco, udhaarwaley khisko (times 2)

(Subliminal message alert!)

Iss dil ki nakadi le lo na
Aur pyaar udhaara de do na

Ok... so these lines are about a new product launch. After Loan against property, gold, shares, LIC policies etc., Dena Bank is proud to present loan against body parts, case in point being the application for a loan of love against a pen-charred dil.

Meri kismat mein hai chhed koi
Baby, isko aur kuredo na

Here the guy is not sure what's wrong... But he is almost sure that the girl is to blame! So he is just asking her to back off! He clearly doesn’t know what he wants.... Do you want the girl to be with you or do you want the girl not to bug you? Because both the things can’t happen simultaneously for sure!

Mere laakhon sapne tootein hain
Sab mauke haath se chhoote hain

Dude, that’s why you need to work in the UK shift! You can sleep to your heart’s content, so no broken dreams there. You’ll always reach work on time... so no missed opportunities. A 9-5 Job isn’t going to do you any good.

Hai maar na maar na inkaaron ke hentar

The Key to a thousand blows lies in a single No!

Oye penchar (times 5)

If there is anything that Himesh Bhai/Justin Beiber have ever taught us, its the fact that “Repetition is catchy!”

O teri..!

The most appropriate ending to a diabolical song!

If you want to be worth anything in your life, please put this song on an eternal loop on your playlist!

Makes me Wonder

Some Random Observations over the last few months.

Posters on Best Buses:

Recently came across one BEST bus, which had a huge Advertisement on its arse reading : Is your pressure cooker an earning member of your family?

What an intriguing question! Let me think… The combined number or pressure cookers owned by my family is 5.... We have 3 earning family members, so if add the numbers and multiply by 12 and then add 64 to it and then divide that by 30. Then number of zeroes being added to our household income by our pressure cookers is …Oh Yes Yes… Its Zero! The fine print at the bottom of the arse of the bus had some calculations about how much energy a pressure cooker saves and some periodic tables calculating time value of money and penny saved is penny earned kind of idioms. It kind of looked like my 8^th Standard English class married my MBA Economics class. Wonder who makes such intelligent adverts.

Banned Sites:

In spite of various alphanumeric regulations sponsored by CMMI, ISI, FYI and CSI being used by companies for blocking various websites at work, some employees always find ways to access Facebook, Gmail, Myspace and some people from Stone Age access Orkut too, without ever getting caught. But whenever the list of defaulters accessing banned sites is circulated to all and sundry in the department, the list will always have the name of one poor chap who is labeled under accessing Adult and Mature Content because he spelt the Word Apron as Aporn.

The Beauty Parlor Intelligence:

The best place to gauge the intelligence of womankind in any particular city is its beauty parlors. The lady customers at these parlors have a certain “je ne sais quoi” about them. Here, they feel uninhibited about their stupidity and seem to be riding high on a severe dosage of moronic acid. In one such Parlor I overheard a conversation between the beautician and some chick with her face covered in some green slime (Since I don’t know her name, let’s call her hulk because the green slime made her look like that). The beautician was inquiring about her job, when “the Hulk” announced that she works for a company in the BPO sector and that the sector pays well and provides her with various sorts of exposure and learning. Before the Hulk could elaborate all the benefits and perks she was getting through this job the beautician interrupted her and asked her a very sincere question… What does BPO Stand for?

A long awkward pause followed this question; and after some brief contemplation the Hulk replied, it stands for “Bank Process Outsourcing”. The women around her seemed enlightened; life teaches something new every day. We use millions of abbreviations, who knew a simple acronym could have such a profound meaning. If only the guys working at the Vodafone Call center knew that they were somehow working for a Bank.

Show Cause Notices behind the Auto Rickshaw Driver’s seat:

My trip from home to work is a 30 minute auto rickshaw ride. One day I saw a notice behind the driver’s seat which had a 3 step training program for the passengers.

1. Always address the driver as “Aap”
2. Don’t bargain on the fare
3. Always remember to thank the rickshaw driver.

Now what I don’t understand is that at what point exactly am I supposed to thank the rickshaw-wala. Is it when he asks me where I have to go, what route I would take and all that he wanted to know but was afraid to ask, and then says no he wont go there... or when 126 rickshaws zoom past me each morning ignoring me as if I am sikander kher’s upcoming flick or should I thank him when I tell him my destination, and he makes a facial expression of such contempt as Vijay Mallaya would have made if I had told him that his next holiday home destination should be the Gaza Strip.

Life is Unfair… Now What??

I am Crasssy About Eleesshh!!

Yesterday, I witnessed on television, an event, greater in magnitude and importance than the Olympics, FIFA World Cup, The miss Universe Pageant and America’s Elections, all put together. Its rarity and peculiarity can be compared to the Halley’s Comet and this event was called, Rakhi ka Swayamvar. Now that Rakhi has put a seal and stamp on her crassiness about Eleessss (Elesh Parujanwala), I am feeling a void. Why God Why! Why me??? I wanted to see a second season of this show… You can’t leave me high and dry like this! Now what am I supposed to do at 9:00 PM sharp every day. My life seems so pointless without Rakhi, I have nothing to look forward to. This is Cheating!

For all those who missed this epic of an episode here are some excerpts. This piece might seem a little distorted and that’s because right now and even while I was watching the show I was drowsy on heavy medication.

The evening was being hosted by Mr. Ram Kapur and the venue was Mumbai ka chamchamata hua Leela Hotel, turning the whole event into a Raam Leela. On stage Rakhi didi looking like draupadi with 4 chandelier like something hanging from the ceiling of her head, Ram bhaiyya and Ravi Kisaan Bhaiyya, and the three could be grooms - Lallu, Bhallu and Golu (aka kshitiz, elees and manas respectively). Ram bhaiyya has 5 mikes, he has kept the best one for himself (the one which actually works) and the rest have been distributed between the families and grooms and Rakhiss. The audience back home is expected to keep their thumb stationed at the remote’s volume button since the volume is at blaring levels when Ram Bhaiyya speaks and inaudible when anyone else speaks.

Rakhi begins by thanking Ram Bhaiyaa, Ravi kisaan bhaiyya, all Mummyjis, Papajis, Aru ji (for watching all episodes) and proclaiming her haepyiness about everything. Then comes the moment of truth (Not sach ka samna!)

Ram Bhaiyya to Bechain Rakhi: To Rakhi kya aap apna dulha chunney ko taiyyar hain?

Bechain Rakhi:… (long pause)……. No Ram Bhaiyya…. Not before I sing a thousand hymns in praise of my ishtdev, Jejus, I want his blessings before I take any decision. Jejus aap mere andar aaiyye, kyunki main aapke bina kuch nahi kar sakti. (Jejus Choir arrives, everyone starts looking up and singing profusely)

**********************Hymns Conclude*********************

Ram Bhaiyya (annoyed waley): To rakhi ab agar aapka Dhong khatam ho gaya ho to aap apna decision batayeingi?

Bechain Rakhi: Agar mere decision se baaki families ka hard break hota hai to main kshamas mangna chahti hun… ye decision sunatey huey meri dhadkans tez ho rahi hain, chahey to Cardiogram kara lo

Ravi Kisaan Bhaiyya: Common Rakhi… You can do it, Poora desh wait kar raha hai is ch*#iyape ke end hone ka… ab to bata do… Just do it! (Is dialogue ke prayojak they Nike)

Bechain Rakhi: Ram bhaiyya,…. Ravi Bhaiyya… maine chuna hai….

*Commercial Break*

Fortune 500 Companies like Revital, Unwanted 72, Medimix sabun etc. are sponsoring the show

*program resumes*

Rakhi looking confused as to who should she choose… She walks towards the grooms, the 52 week billboard chart topping number “Piya se milne ko bechain.... dhoondhe sajna ko din raat rakhi (aaa...laaa... laa)” is playing in the background. Rakhi walks past the first groom, then the second one, then the third one…. Has Rakhi decided to hold Swayamvar part 2 or Will Rakhi marry Ram bhaiyya??? When such questions were just crossing my mind, she turned back and chose… Elessh…

I knew it! High fives everywhere…. After all Rakhi was crasssy about elesss…..

Bechain Rakhi: Maine Elesh ko isliye chuna kyunki wo bohat machyure hain, wo NRI hain, unke paas bohat paisa hai, main bollywood se bore ho chuki hun aur ab main Toronto me Item Numbersss karna chahti hun….

*Ceremony Ends*

Unlike most people I do not look down upon Rakhi, infact I am thankful to her for adding new dimensions to my English vocabulary! I learnt several new words and newer ways of pronouncing those words in this one month. I have learnt of new relationships like Sishter in Low and Maather in Low; of the random S’s that can be used in the middle or at the end of the words; New ways of pronouncing anniversary (Rakhi’s version: Annvensary), Mature (R’s V: Machore); The 50 million Waaaoooos (Wow!) that she used to throw away in each episode kind of like the world bank distributes aids to the bhooka nanga countries. I have also learnt of sentences which sound like phrases. Mummy so good, papa so good (I mean why waste any energy on verbs). I have learnt of plastic facial expressions and fake lofters.

Anyways I will miss Rakhi didi and as for Elessh all I have to say is that “agar patni sataye to humko bateyein”

Mona daaa..arrling…….. Sona kaha hai…..?

During the last days of my graduate college, my Badee Didi asked me to make a CV and start applying for the campus placements. In the hobbies section of that CV, using my “chalaak lomdi type dimaag” I put, SLEEPING. This heroic act of mine was followed by “do thappad” from my sister and me being forced to write fictitious hobbies like stamp collection and music etc. (The other hobbies I was forced to delete were avoiding homework, Collecting toothbrush handles and Writing Tabloids on my neighbors). Now if I got through any job interviews using that fictional CV is another story but for now let me speak of my real factual hobby, i.e. sleeping.

I have many excellent qualities, but once I go to sleep, it takes atleast a string quartet singing qawallis at blaring sound levels to wake me up (Lead singers of this quartet ought to be nothing less than Altaf Raja, Bappi Lahiri, Narendra Chanchal and Shabbir Kumar). A Yawn generated in any corner of the room catches my attentive eye and with due respect I try to reciprocate the gesture with an even wider one. I have thus established a “Yawn Sambandh” of sorts with many people who share this hobby. Some people make tall claims that they have a cure for this itch, as seen, painted on the walls surrounding all major railway tracks in northern India: “Yawn Rogi” fauran milein, hotel sunshine, bus stand ke peeche, Dr. Juneja, but I sincerely doubt their expertise regarding this matter.

I have enjoyed different aspects of sleeping throughout my life. I have latched the room from inside and slept like a horse, forcing my parents to get the door broken, but miserably failing in disturbing my sound sleep. While sleeping, I had once dropped my Pillow on a burning Kachua Chaap, without realizing that the room was soon filling up with smoke. The only comment I had to make in my sleep regarding this was that “lagta hai koi neeche ke flat me hawan kar raha hai”. I have sleep walked as well, taking a tour of my home at 3:00 AM which ended at counting all the tomatoes in the fridge. And since the day doesn’t provide ample opportunity for me to express my thoughts, at times I do sleep talking as well. I have dozed off while talking on the phone. I have also enjoyed naps during classes and exams. Once an irate teacher woke me up with his sarcastic comment, “Miss Sharma ..aaaa…. Am I singing a lullaby??... I can’t understand… How do you manage to sleep inside the class, outside the class, inside your hostel room, in the morning, during night, during exams, when I can’t sleep a wink till 4 AM…” (I so wanted to say that sar umar ka takazza hai, aur hamara caliber hai, warna ye sabke bas ki baat kahan?)

Sleeping is not a simple act, there are different kinds of sleeps that I have encountered.

The Cinemaa-Scope Sleep: This is the act of intentionally falling asleep next to a laptop playing your favorite movies or movies with your favorite stars. For example to get a John Abraham infested dream, I would intentionally play Jism and go off to sleep. * the contents of the dream shall not be disclosed due to censorship laws *

The Sleep Jam: No, It’s got nothing to do with jam and bread, you hungry type ke people! This is the act of sleeping with ear phones on, listening to your favorite music throughout your sleep. This usually ends with either your mp3 player falling off during the time of your hourly bed roll or can at certain times lead to some very nice musical numbers like “Tumsa koi pyaara koi masoom nahi hai , kya cheese ho tum khud tumhe malum nahi hai” getting stuck in your head for the whole day.

The Sleep Coma: Usually an alcohol infested sleep, when you are not aware of your where-abouts. I have seen people sleep under a heapful of books (and they were not studying), on the staircase, in the washrooms and corridors as well.

The Sleep Flux: The point in time when you'd usually be sleeping, but the computer monitor or the TV is keeping you awake. You are too tired and lazy to turn off the damned thing (even if it is a re-run of “Rakhi ka swayamvar” or some random shaitaani site that you opened a minute ago) The boredom is so great, that you think the prospect of sleeping is too boring to try. You'd rather keep listening to music on your iPod late into the morning

Sleep scars: These are marks left on your face or body by pillows, night-wear or bed-sheets after a goodnight's rest. These marks can give you a scare, as you end up looking like some character out of an Alien movie or a person who has just escaped from the trap of Jigsaw from a SAW movie

Sleep Shoot: The Picture portfolio of your photographs taken in compromising positions by your back stabbing friends and ill-wishers when you were sleeping during a class or at work. Usually a Sleep shoot acts as a good bargaining chip or just as a tool for your humiliation.

The Sleep Nazis: A person (generally your roommate), who insists on sleeping at a certain time each night and will even try to convince you to sleep early too. Although this person will try to dilute your intellectual capabilities by forcing you to watch serials like Sanjeevani, Utaran and some random serial based on “Baal-Vivah”, running at blaring sound levels but you can’t even think of watching a late night movie on your laptop because this person cannot sleep with a computer monitor on and doesn't budge even if you offer to position the monitor so as not to disturb him/her. Usually uptight about really minor stuff. Gets pissed off easily at night.

I am 39% bored in life (Souce: Facebook Quiz: How bored are you?, edition June 19^th, 2009) and hugely inspired by the great napping legends like Narsimha Rao, Haradanahalli Doddegowda Deve Gowda, Atal Bihari Vajpayee from the spheres of politics(Ye…“Mr. Prime Minister takes a small nap, someone nudges from behind, Vajpayee jee Wakes up all startled”… Acchi Baat Nahi hai!) and the likes of Hemant Kumar from the music Industry who preferred to sleep even while singing (Ye raat *nap* ye chaand….*dozing*…nee *Yawn* fir kahan…). So sleeping is my favorite refuge. India ke wicket jaldi gir gaye, Solution: So jao. Flight do ghante late hai, Solution: So jao. There is no one in your house to talk to, Solution: So Jao. Traffic bahut jyada hai...gaadi chalaate chalaate so jao. Exam kal hai, padhne ka man nahi hai, so jao. Footpath khaali hai...so jaao… Lift abhi tak mere floor pe nahi pohnchi, so jao… Barish ho rahi hai, So jao… Dhoop pad rahi hai, So jao… Movie Boring hai, So jao. My Sleepatite can put the likes of Kumbhakaran to shame. At times I fail to realize that how did my 5 minute nap turn into a 5 hour sleepathon, I guess I am a “Sleep” Junkie, but I am proud to be one.

Anyways, It's not easy to juggle a stressful job and household chores, but somehow I manage to fit in eight hours of Sleep a day. Now if you'll excuse me I have some Z’s to catch.