Am I A Temple Bell??

The past few days have been like a nightmare. I Guess it was the last Friday the 13^th‘s effect working its charms on my life. There is Confusion and Chaos all around me and everyone is trying to push my buttons and ring me like a Temple Bell!

There is Chaos in office, with a stream of Never-ending work, for the non completion of which I get to hear loads of Gyaan every day! Imagine no Client Visits for 4 months and then you get 4 in one month besides other piling work to be completed. My mistake #1 was to mention that people think that it takes them three reminders to get me to do anything… I am being constantly reminded of this day in and day out at office… People I am not that bad! Please spare the Torture…

On the other hand My mum has gone on some groom hunting spree for me, sending me names and numbers of Guys in consideration. I hate this, Please God Save me! This isn’t half as interesting as a proper shopping spree. I get nervous breakdowns, cold sweats and Goosebumps. And on a completely different note I have been called a person befitting the profession of a Radio Jockey, because I just love to spread the word around. But then people I was always like this, what were you expecting out of me… be a little realistic about your expectations from me.

And I am now also the proud owner of new timepiece marvel… The latest addition to my morning alarm systems – “The Landlord 2000”. The USP of this system is that it will always ring before your actual alarm does, and will ask you to fill up water and take a bath, at times ranging between 6:30 AM to 7:30 AM, and guess what? There is NO snooze button… if u happen to miss the alarm, there will be SMS alerts for the same (Just when I thought that SMS alerts were the specialty of ICICI Bank or were used for cricket scores). The only way to get rid of the alerts is a Verbal Response “Yes! Will DO!” (I was born to fill up water at wee hours, thanks for making my dream come true!)

I think I am in some dream sequence... Coz my oh so ordinary life was never so helter-skelter!

At times I think that it is not people who bring trouble to me, they only suggest, it is I who walk head on into those troubles. For Example, Kartik just suggested in the passing yesterday that how would it feel if we walked to office from home and then climbed stairs to the 6^th floor, where our office is. Now that was just something he was wondering about, It was I, who with all my imbecility, made the mistake of trying his. The 3Km walk was fine, then came the stairs

1rst Floor: Oh this isn’t as difficult as it seemed

2^nd Floor: I climbed 2 floors , that’s it??! This isn’t going to be easy…

3^rd Floor: I feel like Edmund Hillary NOW! Will this Conquest of Everest ever end?

4^th Floor: I want to Kill Kartik, for suggesting this

5^th Floor: I’m Falling Apart, I’m Barely Breathing. But I’m holding on, I’m Barely holding on to you…

6^th Floor: Kill ME!

On entering the office I could see the stars, the moon, I had been transported to some alien galaxy. This couldn’t be earth and definitely not my office! All of Newton’s laws of Motion have failed me. I think I will get nightmares of a never-ending loops of stairs which I will never be able to climb, for the next few days.

The only Good that came out of this week was the news of our dear friend Barun getting fixed up for marriage with Ms. Amrita Singh (Not The actor). I suggested he change his name to Saif now… Well I would like to congratulate him and wish him all the best for his future endeavors. And as for me, I hope these days of chaotic confusion end soon!

Love, Lust and ....

Today I realized one thing. The worst co-passengers that can ever exist on the face of earth are newly married couples. I had a close encounter with one on my way back from Pune to Mumbai.
Somehow in India being newly married translates to a license for Public Display of Affection. On any ordinary day, a boy and girl sitting together, at any public place (eg. Buddha Park, Lodhi Garden, Juhu beach, Bandstand etc. etc.) may be subject to the wrath of the likes of Shiv Sena / MNS / VHP, but no one bothers to unleash hell on this clan.
Thus began my journey, seated next to this newlywed couple, who I shall call Pinki - The girl and Vickky - The boy (as they were referred to in the yester years of Hindi cinema). Now if you are travelling alone, the only best thing next to falling asleep is to listen to what the other co-passengers are talking about, this gives you an insight into their lives and human psyche in general, but on this occasion the conversation was beyond endurance. I was trying to understand that what do two people who have never known each other, before they were married, talk about! The conversations ranged from Vickky asking Pinki, that how much does she think was the total spend on their marriage (… the amount estimated was good enough to feed an entire village in Uganda for one year, I guess) to what Pinki and Vickky’s mother think of each other. Matters of salary, relatives, etc. were also discussed. When all this was getting out of hand I decided to thank Mr. Varun Kaushik for the music he had very kindly bestowed upon me and “Korn” came to my rescue, but only for an hour when my headphones decided to plot against me and stopped working subjecting me to the torture again.
Now, you can still ignore whatever they talked about, but then Pinki and Vickky decided to get naughty in the car! Three other people are sitting in the car as well, have some mercy! No one is interested in seeing your kissing action… Go get a room or something…. This is not your car! While my head was screaming all these words the deadliest word came out of Pinki’s “oral cavity”… “J..A..A..N..U”… by now my mind was ready to puke… Yuck! I mean, how long have you known this guy, to call him jaanu or is it that since you’ve not know him that long… you have you forgotten his name or something and so decided to call him jaanu?… And then… Vickky decided to be brutal to my ears and called Pinki “J…A…N…A..M”…
Suddenly the world around me started to sink and in the background a song was playing… Janejigar Janeman, Tujhko hai meri kasam… Tu jo mujhe na mila mar jaoongi main sanam… Thanks for planting this song into my head… Now it’s difficult for me to bear my own self!
Atlast we reached Sion… it was a relief! I have decided to change cabs in the future if I ever sense any newlyweds trying to get into mine… So much for shared cabs… Please God! I pray to you, NEVER let me become one of their kind…