During the last days of my graduate college, my Badee Didi asked me to make a CV and start applying for the campus placements. In the hobbies section of that CV, using my “chalaak lomdi type dimaag” I put, SLEEPING. This heroic act of mine was followed by “do thappad” from my sister and me being forced to write fictitious hobbies like stamp collection and music etc. (The other hobbies I was forced to delete were avoiding homework, Collecting toothbrush handles and Writing Tabloids on my neighbors). Now if I got through any job interviews using that fictional CV is another story but for now let me speak of my real factual hobby, i.e. sleeping.
I have many excellent qualities, but once I go to sleep, it takes atleast a string quartet singing qawallis at blaring sound levels to wake me up (Lead singers of this quartet ought to be nothing less than Altaf Raja, Bappi Lahiri, Narendra Chanchal and Shabbir Kumar). A Yawn generated in any corner of the room catches my attentive eye and with due respect I try to reciprocate the gesture with an even wider one. I have thus established a “Yawn Sambandh” of sorts with many people who share this hobby. Some people make tall claims that they have a cure for this itch, as seen, painted on the walls surrounding all major railway tracks in northern India: “Yawn Rogi” fauran milein, hotel sunshine, bus stand ke peeche, Dr. Juneja, but I sincerely doubt their expertise regarding this matter.
I have enjoyed different aspects of sleeping throughout my life. I have latched the room from inside and slept like a horse, forcing my parents to get the door broken, but miserably failing in disturbing my sound sleep. While sleeping, I had once dropped my Pillow on a burning Kachua Chaap, without realizing that the room was soon filling up with smoke. The only comment I had to make in my sleep regarding this was that “lagta hai koi neeche ke flat me hawan kar raha hai”. I have sleep walked as well, taking a tour of my home at 3:00 AM which ended at counting all the tomatoes in the fridge. And since the day doesn’t provide ample opportunity for me to express my thoughts, at times I do sleep talking as well. I have dozed off while talking on the phone. I have also enjoyed naps during classes and exams. Once an irate teacher woke me up with his sarcastic comment, “Miss Sharma ..aaaa…. Am I singing a lullaby??... I can’t understand… How do you manage to sleep inside the class, outside the class, inside your hostel room, in the morning, during night, during exams, when I can’t sleep a wink till 4 AM…” (I so wanted to say that sar umar ka takazza hai, aur hamara caliber hai, warna ye sabke bas ki baat kahan?)
Sleeping is not a simple act, there are different kinds of sleeps that I have encountered.
The Cinemaa-Scope Sleep: This is the act of intentionally falling asleep next to a laptop playing your favorite movies or movies with your favorite stars. For example to get a John Abraham infested dream, I would intentionally play Jism and go off to sleep. * the contents of the dream shall not be disclosed due to censorship laws *
The Sleep Jam: No, It’s got nothing to do with jam and bread, you hungry type ke people! This is the act of sleeping with ear phones on, listening to your favorite music throughout your sleep. This usually ends with either your mp3 player falling off during the time of your hourly bed roll or can at certain times lead to some very nice musical numbers like “Tumsa koi pyaara koi masoom nahi hai , kya cheese ho tum khud tumhe malum nahi hai” getting stuck in your head for the whole day.
The Sleep Coma: Usually an alcohol infested sleep, when you are not aware of your where-abouts. I have seen people sleep under a heapful of books (and they were not studying), on the staircase, in the washrooms and corridors as well.
The Sleep Flux: The point in time when you'd usually be sleeping, but the computer monitor or the TV is keeping you awake. You are too tired and lazy to turn off the damned thing (even if it is a re-run of “Rakhi ka swayamvar” or some random shaitaani site that you opened a minute ago) The boredom is so great, that you think the prospect of sleeping is too boring to try. You'd rather keep listening to music on your iPod late into the morning
Sleep scars: These are marks left on your face or body by pillows, night-wear or bed-sheets after a goodnight's rest. These marks can give you a scare, as you end up looking like some character out of an Alien movie or a person who has just escaped from the trap of Jigsaw from a SAW movie
Sleep Shoot: The Picture portfolio of your photographs taken in compromising positions by your back stabbing friends and ill-wishers when you were sleeping during a class or at work. Usually a Sleep shoot acts as a good bargaining chip or just as a tool for your humiliation.
The Sleep Nazis: A person (generally your roommate), who insists on sleeping at a certain time each night and will even try to convince you to sleep early too. Although this person will try to dilute your intellectual capabilities by forcing you to watch serials like Sanjeevani, Utaran and some random serial based on “Baal-Vivah”, running at blaring sound levels but you can’t even think of watching a late night movie on your laptop because this person cannot sleep with a computer monitor on and doesn't budge even if you offer to position the monitor so as not to disturb him/her. Usually uptight about really minor stuff. Gets pissed off easily at night.
I am 39% bored in life (Souce: Facebook Quiz: How bored are you?, edition June 19th, 2009) and hugely inspired by the great napping legends like Narsimha Rao, Haradanahalli Doddegowda Deve Gowda, Atal Bihari Vajpayee from the spheres of politics(Ye…“Mr. Prime Minister takes a small nap, someone nudges from behind, Vajpayee jee Wakes up all startled”… Acchi Baat Nahi hai!) and the likes of Hemant Kumar from the music Industry who preferred to sleep even while singing (Ye raat *nap* ye chaand….*dozing*…nee *Yawn* fir kahan…). So sleeping is my favorite refuge. India ke wicket jaldi gir gaye, Solution: So jao. Flight do ghante late hai, Solution: So jao. There is no one in your house to talk to, Solution: So Jao. Traffic bahut jyada hai...gaadi chalaate chalaate so jao. Exam kal hai, padhne ka man nahi hai, so jao. Footpath khaali hai...so jaao… Lift abhi tak mere floor pe nahi pohnchi, so jao… Barish ho rahi hai, So jao… Dhoop pad rahi hai, So jao… Movie Boring hai, So jao. My Sleepatite can put the likes of Kumbhakaran to shame. At times I fail to realize that how did my 5 minute nap turn into a 5 hour sleepathon, I guess I am a “Sleep” Junkie, but I am proud to be one.
Anyways, It's not easy to juggle a stressful job and household chores, but somehow I manage to fit in eight hours of Sleep a day. Now if you'll excuse me I have some Z’s to catch.
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