MTV - Fully Faltooo...

Yesterday while browsing through a hundred or more channels that we have (I somehow managed to get the male gene in this aspect, I always want to have the remote and would do nothing with it except change channels), my fingers decided to halt themselves at some random channel called MTV. The channel caught me off guard as it wasn’t playing any re-run of Roadies, or G-Talk, or adverts of the soon to begin 2nd season of Splitsvilla. That reminds me that our friend Vinay Chamaria sneaked into the auditions for Splitsvilla without anyone noticing, and his mischief would not have been caught had MTV decided not to show the feats of the “moorakh junta” who came for auditions and had been rejected.
As soon as I saw his photograph on TV with a rejected stamp smeared all over his face, I called Rahul to confirm if whatever I saw was really true or is this a dream. Since he decided not to pick up my call, I called the culprit in person.
ME: Abey tu TV pe kya kar raha tha?
Vinay: Main to Assam me hun
ME: Arrey maine tujhe TV pe dekha…. Splitsvilla Rejects mein… Jhoothey… Muh kaala karwa ke waapas aa gaya aur kisi ko bola bhi nahi
Vinay: Arre mera CV select hua tha par main agle round me reject ho gaya, aapko kaise pata chala?
ME: TV pe terey muh pe Rejected ka thappa lagaa ke chaar baar tera foto flash kiya. Aur Kaise
To save him from any further embarrassment I did end the call. Poor thing got rejected in the talent round and this made me wonder what is his real talent anyways?
Not wandering away from the subject, venting out all the weird ideas to tarnish the young brain, a VJ was discussing the new trend of naming movies on “Fillumey Sawngs”, prime examples being, Bachna Ae Haseeno, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na & Aa Dekhey Zara. They churned out all the brain juices available at MTV, and suggested a few of their own.

• Zara Zara Touch ME – The story of Mika and Rakhi Sawant
• Gutar Gutar – The story of a Slum Pigeon
• Sarkai Liyo Khatiya – A Madhur Bhandarkar production, since he is so fond of making movies on Rooms (Page 3 for Living Room, Chandini Bar for Bar room, so this one will be for the Bedroom)
• Samose me aaloo – Some random theme on Politics
• Tujhko mirchi lagi to main kya karun? – Based on the feud between Salman, Shahrukh and Amir

And I thought why should we stop at songs, why not name movies on the names of Television programs as well. There are some gems waiting to be transformed into movies, and if they are, they will definitely generate some stir in the minds of a few. Remember “Junglee Toofan Tyre Puncture”, “Baingan Raja”, “Captain Vyom”, “Himgiri ke Veer”, “Raaja aur Rancho” and “Kya Banogey Munna?”
I want to support MTV’s cause too. Why should we name only some movies on songs, why not all? Ghajini could have been called “Kabhi bhoola kabhi yaad kiya”; Hello should have been named “Telephone dhun me hansne waali”; Dostana would be made as “Samander se nahake aur bhi namkeen ho gay (oops… Gaye) ho”; Oye lucky maybe christened as “Chura liya hai tumne”; Karzzzz (have I put the right number of “Zs”) can be called “Emotional Attyachhar” and Jodha Akbar would be called “Jumma Chumma De De.”
Meanwhile I got an opportunity to watch another retarded program on MTV called GTalk… I mean if this is the perception at MTV about Girl Talk then I want to quit being a girl. This programme should probably be renamed as ATalk… Auntie Talk that is. The two females on the program, Shambhavi and Anmol continue to blabber about anything under the sun, ranging from how people behave at shaadis to whether Slumdog deserved an Oscar or not. India being a free land gives an opportunity to every worthless creature on earth to voice their opinions about every worthwhile character around and this programme is a prime example. Anyways, which half-wit writes the script for these girls? Meri gully ki aunties ke paas better topics hotey hain discuss karne ke liye… Like kiski ladki kiske saath bhaag gayi, kaun apni biwi ki dhulayi karta hai etc. Atleast these conversations are able to hold some interest for some time and do not lead to a feeling of utter disgust.
What does it really take to be a VJ at MTV? Insanity I guess! I have a 2 year experience of living at Agra. Does that Count? Anyways, I quit being a TV addict a long time ago, but MTV continues to ruin my reality!