Ek Do Teen Chaar.... Band Karo ye Atyachaar!

A few days back, lying on my bed, like an unemployed whale, with legs stretched out, I got to thinking (When I start to think, a volcano erupts on Jupiter, Sabu and I are from the same clan). My Mother has been harassing me day in and night out to prepare a Bio-Data of sorts, so that she can go ahead and play the matchmaking game (It’s still called a Bio Data, Neither a “CV” nor a “Resume” but a Bio Data in the spheres of Matrimony). I just imagined her browsing seriously through numerous profiles in the Matrimonial Pages of some newspaper like Thook-Matt Times (Sister Concern of Lokmat times) and the only image that came closer to this sight was that of a rag-picker, maybe because until a few years back the only utility that these pages had was to increase the returns on sale from the Raddi waley bhaisahab. To begin with, this whole concept of Shaadi is way beyond me, I mean till the time you aren’t married, there is always an element of “Chase”, excitement, a need and willingness to go an extra mile for the happiness of your partner but the day you are married you become as good as the sofa in the living room or the microwave in the kitchen, basically a general interference in the other one’s life. Making each other miserable becomes the sole agenda of people.

And so I got to thinking, what is it in me anyways that would make anyone who hasn’t met me want to marry me. All this arranged marriage stuff according to me, is based on false information provided by both parties, and jhooth ki buniyaad pe bane huey rishtey kahan tak chalenge? I can certainly put on wonderful faces but kiski majaal hai ki they will accept the real me… So as a challenge I am going to write below, the real true me wala BIO Data, Mummy please redirect all queries here… If the people are ready to bardashtofy this… I still have a chance in the world of Holy Matrimony, otherwise it is Adios Amigos!

So here I Go with absolutely necessary footnotes which should not be missed:

Name: Aru Sharma

Pretty much a straight answer, but don’t ask me the meaning, coz even I don’t know, I have been asked if Aru is a short form for Arundhati, Aruna, Arushi, Arunima etc etc. Sorry but I don’t know what it means, and that’s about it. Some people have tried and miserably failed in Googling the meaning of my name… Now you get to know why I am so pointless… Shuruaat hee aisee thi, naam ka matlab nahi hai meri baton ka matlab kahan se dhoondhtey ho?

Date of Birth: 25 August

I intentionally did not mention the year above, the point not being that I want to hide my age but I want to emphasize my mother’s statement ki tum ab 25 saal ki Ghodi (Female Horse) ho chuki ho… Ab waqt aa chukka hai ki tumhari shaadi ho jaye, tumhari behno ki theek time pe ho gayi thi, duniya waale blah blah blu blu bakar kartey hain.. Ye Wo, pata nahi kya kya?

Time of Birth: 10:10 pm

Kaafi bura samay tha dharti- waasiyon ke liye… aur aagey kya bolun chaachi. Ab mera Sun Sign hai Virgo, and as all virgos I am a selfless person who would do anything to help you. My sun Sign says that I am the breath and light of a better person who thinks, discriminates and displays compassion quietly. I am supposed to be Highly intelligent, possess a clever, sarcastic sense of humor that shows an awareness of myself and others, very observant and have an eye for detail, fussy and nitpicking, a perfectionist and yada yada…

Hobbies: So many… Read the foot note below

My hobbies are day dreaming, cracking sadele thakele PJs, Makkhi Machhar Maarna, Addhi raat tak jage rehna aur bahar jaa ke sadkein naapna, har weekend movie dekhna (Movies might range from Chandni chowk to china, money hai to honey hai to billu barber and one..two..three… I am an avid fan of Govinda and the likes), I love to cook but somehow somebody always feel that I am stuck to Poha and Upma and don’t venture beyond that :P. I love to Buy shoes, more is less for me, on the last count I had like some 40 pairs of footwear, and my thirst for more has still not been quenched.

Habits: Again, can’t be summarized in one line, read below.

My habits, at most instances, have been observed by others rather than me. So my habits, as people say, include, bitching about people, never taking things seriously, jealousy, I live in constant denial, I am too loud and don’t know what to speak where, I get terrible mood swings, I am as Lazzyy as a sloth bear, I am big time filmy and full of Nine Tanks (aka Nau-tanki). My mother says that I Cook well but always create such a mess in the kitchen that the cockroaches and rats of the house consider me their “IshtDev” and have opened up a temple in my honor, and if bubonic plague was to ever spread across the country, it will most certainly be due to my kitchen habits. If you are to ever open my cupboard, you are quite likely to be buried under an avalanche of clothes. But still people manage to bardashtofy me… I am grateful to all my friends for that.

Happiest Moments

Childhood memories: Learning to whistle from pados ke bhaiyyas an then returning the favor by calling his father by various names like “Ganju patel, teri khopdi me tel” and “takley”; Going to the Zoo every night with my father to watch black panthers

Adolescence: Scoring good marks in My board exams, still remember the ice cream that I got as a prize for scoring well in 10^th.

Youth: Getting in Hansraj; The first shoes I got from my first salary; Playing bachda bachda at office; laughing till me cheeks would hurt and I was about to fall off the chair.

Worst Moments:

Childhood Memories: Pulling the Hair of my nursery school teacher as she forced me to come down the slide / Throwing stones at a raging bull and then running across the colony trying to save my ass from getting in line of the bull’s horns

Adolescence: All bad memories are related to maths; My sister thrashing me like a punching bag, because I got 2 out of 5 sums wrong; Always getting border line marks in maths and hiding the report card till the last day; playing “Holly-wood” and “tic tac toe” in maths class and getting scolded for that.

Youth: Being Foolishly Shy and not proclaiming my interest in all my crushes till the age of 23. I missed out on a whole lot of good guys because of this. Some of them know who I am referring to :P

Favorites

Favorite Actors: Harman Baweja, Neil Nitin Mukesh, Rajnikant, Mithun etc. etc.

Favorite Colour: mehroon, margenta, belack, bhai-eat, rani colour

Favourite Proverb: Well Behaved Women rarely make history!

Favorite Food: Chicken Chandamama, Macchi Matondkar, Anda Shivdasani, etc.

Favorite Place: In the house – Bathroom (living in Mumbai with 2 roommates, you pretty soon learn that bathroom is the only place where you will find some solace); Outside the home – baliya, basti, gaunda, hardoi, bahraich ( I have my driver’s licence issued from this place), badaun etc.. etc…

Blood Group: O+ve (sounds like someone is calling me from the behind, “Abey Ooo… Positive ke..., idhar aa”; I have the Universal Donor Blood group, maybe that’s why people resort to “Khoon Choosna” antics with me.

Baaki to Ladki Grah Karya me daksh hai aur kaafi interesting / entertaining hai… Ab koi plss meri maa ko samjhao… Why should I be pushed into this well… Mujhe bhi jeene ka haq hai…

Still if someone is interested please mail me at dimaagmatkhao@gmail.com or kehdokiyejhoothai@yahoo.com