The Chronicles of Wriddhi

Once upon a time in a jungle far far away, the land called Dorli, I met a goliath, his name was Wriddhijit.
His size is complimented by his sense of humor of mammoth proportions and he is blessed with the power to see things differently. His only concern in life is that what will happen to all the gems of wisdom that he so freely produces. He wants them to be shared as his legacy and contribution to the world of demented. So here begin “The chronicles of Wriddhi”

The One where Wriddhi became an Alien
One fine Wednesday morning I got a message from a worried Wriddhi. The Conversation went like this:
wriddhijit: accha suno… kisi se kehna mat... main alien hun....
me: kya? par kyun?
wriddhijit: didnt it come as a surpise to u...? me being alien... is it normal..??
me: no… quite expected i wud say
wriddhijit: then its ok, coz i was worried... I’m informing office, I don’t know if they would still keep me
me: i think if u r an alien with an indian nationality it wud do; they can’t throw u out. Waise kaunse planet se aaye ho tum?
wriddhijit: u cannot pronounce it with a single tongue....
me: how many tongues would I need?
wriddhijit: in ur language / tongue the closest u can pronounce or hear is aarghonicsd
me: And are there any others of your creed here?
wriddhijit: yes... shubham rai resembles one.. but he is vehemently protesting... he is worried that we may take him back and he may not work for rentimental. Now suddenly I am getting a feeling that I do not belong to this place. Chalo anyways... thanks for the good time we had together.. u accepted me like I was one of u..
me: we had no other choice
wriddhijit: I will send some intra-celestial postcard when I do go back, till then try to convince Shubham and send him back.

The One where Wriddhi plays with the emotions of Movie names and Songs
Wridhhi loves to analyze songs and movies. He holds a unique perspective about them which no critic or director can ever think of. For example here are some of the atyachaars that he has done with the names of movies:
shaka laka boom boom - dirty dancing on nasal tunes
nache nagin baje been - Ananconda part 3 - the sound of music
ulfat ki nayi manzilein - When love got lost in the lanes of Manhattan
curious case of ganja(bald) mutton – he wants to cast Raghu/Rajeev of MTV fame in the leading role

He also intends to make a Bhojpuri Classic : “Choli utaro Holi hai”
According to him this movie is to have a hit dialogue
".. utar phenk iss choli ko beti... jis choli ne tujhe hamesha samaj me peche hee rakha he... aaj holi ke pavitra din me.. choli utarke tu chala de goli...woh he kis khet ki mooli???”

His favorite Dialogue : " will shove the gun so much up in ur arse that u will beg for bullets.."
Wridhi on his favorite actor: Mithunda... bhagwan he… hum unhe prabhuji bulate he… and unke movies unke leela he… prabhuji ki leela

Wriddhis versions of songs:
Bhaiyya ji peek barsayo.. mera mehboob aaya hai

He feels that the song “Haule Haule Se Hawa Lagti Hai” from Rab ne bana di Jodi is actually about the first time experience of a couple with ting tong. With special emphasis on lines from the song like “Tu Sabar To Kar Mere Yaar, Zara Saans To Le Dildaar” and “Risthon Ki Galiyaan Tang Hai,… Khud Se Khud Ki Yeh Kaise Jung Hai, Pal Pal Yeh Dil Ghabraye, Pal Pal Yeh Dil Sharmaye, Kuch Kehta Hai Aur Kuch Kar Jaaye”

Another Ghazal was once converted to “Pyaar mujhse jo kiya tumne to kya khaogey?... Kabhi star vada pao to kabhi jhunka bhakar jaogey”

The One where wriddhi has simple concerns in Life
Wriddhi is full of questions. Bhola Bhala Wriddhi… Ye to kuch bhi nahi jaanta. He has time and again voiced his simple concerns like agar govt meri baatein sun le to kya mujh pe NSA lag sakta hai?
He once asked me, in all the glory of his innocence that “Sablok clinic me jo 100% beta hone ka guarantee card detey he woh sahi hota he ya gimmick hai?”
He also has this concern that “Jab saari duniya chhat (roof) pe patang udati thi tab uski chhat pe hawa nahi thi!”
On being transferred from Calcutta to Delhi, poor wriddhi was harassed by the girls of his class by asking questions like “Tum dilli kyun aaye, Calcutta me scools nahi hai kya?” and was made fun of coz he was the only guy in class who wore trousers and not half pants. He sadly comments that “Mere bachpan me ye sab hua tha to tum soch sakti ho ki mera bachpan kaisa beeta hoga?”

The One where Wriddhi says something out of the blue
Wriddhi feels that he isn’t that creative but the people around him, those who understand him, appreciate him and who complete him help him bring out the special talent in him. So here is a compilation of some beautiful lines uttered by this great mind, totally out of context.

You are early to bed and early to rise, oh wise man.. what is your size

Stars are burning dazzling bright in the village sky... funeral fire burning on the pyre...urs and mine paunches are increasing proportionately.. and no measurement tape can fathom by how much...

Main galey me rumaal baandh ke zeenat aman lagta hun!

Main ladkiyon ko buri nazar se dekhta hun aisa unko naa pata chaley isliye maine goggles khareed liye hain

Apna aapna kissa hai.. aapna aapna hissa hai… Koi lut jaata hai.. koi loot jaata hai

Arre suno dost.. suno tum.. paagalpan ki bata mat karo.. tumhi ne kiya hai paagal

Everything said and done.. human civilization can be divided primarily into 2 groups - one who know Pali and the other whor are gonna know pali

The one where Wriddhi hosted a Dumb Charades Competition
LAdies & Gentleman... presenting you the four wizards of dumbcharade...the living legends ... the magnificient four... First... from the mystic peaks of North... the misty mountains... Aru " ESKIMO" Sharma.... legend has it.. when she arrived.. the world turned dumb for 5 days... then came the great depression.... next.. from the dark and dangerous jungles of India... the maneater of mangalore...Wriddhijit " Dumb Duck " Banerjee... he infamously carried out a revolution without speaking a work.. his firebrand mime speeches are still read in pol. science classes... the from the scientific south... I give you... the man.. the machine.. the wizard of the oz Kartik " scissorhands " korpal.....when he acts a jwaalamukhi erupts in jupitar... and last but lot the least... Shubham " the nagrik" roy... the civilized devil of "veer chhatrasal" and " champakali" fame.... the silent assassin...so my friends.. join ur hand .. here they come... the DUMBIZARDS...

The One where Wriddhi was describing the area where he lives
With the purpose of scandalizing a poor soul this is how Wriddhi described the area where he resides:
Foo foo chawk, Phoonkne wali galiyan; daru waali road; Absolut avenue; Talli galli; Nasha nagar; Ganja chawk; Behosh basti; Madira mohalla; Nashedi nagar; Chemicals choubara; Drugs darwaza; Ketamine khatiya; Heroine haseena; Cocaine kameena; marijuana se marwana; Opium oshiwara; Charas ka chaska; Desi ma maska; Independent injenction; Tharre ka chaubara; Brown sugar ki dagar; Aasman me udte hue joints; Pani me tairti hui beediyan; Road pe rengtey hua zarda; Pedo pe uge hue chillum; Zameen me gadda hua tambaaku; Seeli hui cigret; Kachre me pada hua botal; botal ke baju me lete huey hum; fattey huey kapde; kitna dard hai teri aankhon me.. UFF!

Random Wriddhi
These are some random Gems from Wriddhi’s pitara:
Tumne wo add dekha hai jime ek chhoti bacchi astronaut banna chahti hai... raju mama ke paison se moon pe jaana chahti hai?? HDFC wala? Ticket rajumama leke denge..
Jab bacchi yeh statement deti he uske mom ke chehre pe ek ajebb sa khushi cha jaata he.. aakhir unki bhai ki tariff ho rahi he...
another one..
Maine ghar pe bola ki suno main bazaar jaa raha hun… Kuch lana hai to bata do…. Saamne se jawab aaya… jo bazaar pyaar se de de wo le aana… zyada behas matt karna… aakhir bazaar ka bhi apna ek mann hota hai ki wo kya dena chahey…

Wriddhi is a gem of a giant whose body outgrew his brains. He is the most commonly misunderstood person. He is the one who can post the results of facebook quizzes like what will you grow up to be? (The result being “Whore”) and what should your nickname be? (The result being “Cinderella”), for everyone to see with unmatched confidence. Here’s wishing a very happy birthday to him with only one question unanswered “Wriddhi tum itne acchey kyun ho?”